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How to live Gay Life in India

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I always say this to everyone that whatever I am today. Whatever I have in my life today... 90% of the credit goes to St. Sebastian High School, Daund. That from the 90s. Because my life's foundation that was built, was built only because of that school, and I could achieve a lot on the basis of that.

And I'm specifically talking about the English language. That does not mean that I'm not fluent in Marathi or Hindi, but whatever opportunities I got in life were because of the English language only.

They used to hit us, if we didn't speak in the English language in the premises. I feel so blessed and fortunate that exactly during my period - the 90s - when I was in school, the school and its Principal were very strict and disciplined. Neither before my tenure, nor after it. Like as if all of that happened for me only.

My schoolmates are precious to me, because they were part of my life when my life's foundation was being built. And today, in this old age, the dances that I've been doing to those 90s' songs [sniggers] - those people were part of my life during that period, so that makes them even more precious.

I understand only one thing about Money - How to spend it! [snickers]. I neither understood my Salary Slip ever, nor did I try. But just imagine that you file your Income Tax Returns without understanding anything, and you forget about it. And then - after a few months - you receive an SMS saying, "Your account is credited with Rs. 45,000/- Refund from Tax Department."

How does that feel? That that was my own money. That was my money for all these months, and it came back unexpectedly to me. How does that feel? That is exactly how I felt after meeting my schoolmates after 25 years.

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It happened for the first time in 41 years. I mean, since I came out (of the closet) in 2012, it happened for the first time in my life that I went into a Group and did not feel 'discriminated against' by even 0.01%. These people were behaving in the same manner as they did 25 years ago. That style of talking, the style in which they made fun of each other, that laughing style, the style of cracking jokes. It sucked me back into 1998. Like as if I 'time traveled'. I felt that this is not May 2023, but May 2023.

This 25-year Reunion was being planned for quite a few months, but I paid and confirmed on the final day, the 20th May, 2023, because I did have the 'question mark'. Not self-doubt, but a question, "What if I go there, and - if not everybody, but at least - a few people treat me differently or look at me differently?"

It was very natural for me to feel like that, because it was based on my past experiences with my Engineering-mates or my Co-workers as well. I have felt being treated differently by some other people. So, I was like, "Should I go or not!?" But I'm so glad that I went, because I did not get even a whiff of homophobia.

They neither felt disgust for me, nor did they show me sympathy. They were treating me just like the sincere, honest, studious, and hopefully sweet [sniggers] Sagar Sonker that they knew 25 years ago.

Now, today's young generations carry a very strong process - of not caring about what people think at all, and accepting oneself wholly. All these concepts are known, but the ground reality is that - People's opinions definitely matter to some extent. At least I belong to the group of people (or you can say generation) to whom people's opinions matter to some extent.

And see this is not about Mumbai's Culture vs. Pune's Culture. Okay? This is not about that. This is about realizing that we have to stay amongst people only, isn't it? If I move around with #Gay, He/Him, and #RespectMe printed on my forehead, then that will not be the right approach or attitude, isn't it?

If we behave 'differently', then the society will treat us 'differently', isn't it? We don't want special rights. We want equal rights. That is why it was important for me that - now that I've disclosed my sexual orientation to the world, and everybody knows about it, but - I wished that people who were close to my heart and those who I considered my near and dear ones accept me - like my Schoolmates, my College-mates, or my Co-workers - then that would be a very nice thing.

That happened, finally. This is a very big milestone. Now, for years together, I've not kept in touch with anybody, while led to many misunderstandings or conjectures amongst people. But - this is a separate discussion altogether that - God has forgotten to implement a feature within me - STAYING IN TOUCH WITH PEOPLE.

And I can't. I mean, I can't handle Mobile Phones at all. You meet me face-to-face, and I'll laugh with you like a demented person for hours, and we'll chat a lot, but I CAN'T stay in touch over Mobile Phones.

Even though I'm thanking my Schoolmates in this video, this video is not for them at all. This video is for those young Gay men who have examples on their Mobile Phones. Thanks, to the Internet and Social Media, you can go to your parents, and show them real Gay couples online who are living lives on their own will, and that you also would like to live a similar life. Besides that this video itself a very big proof that (Anupam Kher's Show's Tagline) - Miracles can happen in life!

Today's youth may wonder as to why I'm making such a fuss about ACCEPTANCE, ACCEPTANCE. Your schoolmates are supposed to accept you. But remember, we're the SSC 1998 batch. We were born in 1982 or so. So, it is a very big thing, and I'll come to that shortly.

But I'm a '7 chya aat gharaat' i.e. I'm generally home before 7 pm, and I don't go out after 7 pm, unless in case of exceptional scenarios [sniggers]. So, that day - after many years - I reached home after midnight, and the moment I lied down on the bed to sleep, the first Thought and Feeling (that came to me). It was a very fresh, real, and a genuine feeling that I had that now, after this, I do not need ACCEPTANCE or RECOGNITION from anybody. It was a very real Feeling that I got.

For a moment, I was about to uninstall Instagram [sniggers]. Just kidding. That does not mean that I'm there (using it), because I don't feel accepted or recognized, but you get the point, right? It was a VERY REAL Feeling, 'I'm, now, accepted, by these people.' Now, whether anybody else accepts me or not... I do not really care.

And the reason why this is a big thing is, because when I used to 'fall in love' with guys in the 90s or early 2000s - back in those times, we didn't understand the distinction between Straight and Gay guys. It was just a feeling for guys. I almost wished to marry them. - those guys used to ask me, "Sagar, are you okay? Are you running a fever? What nonsense are you talking?" They found it strange. Will anybody say such a thing in today's times? Today, in fact, the people who consider homosexuality as wrong are considered wrong by others, isn't it?

So, those times were very different. These times are different.

So, as a Conclusion I want to say that I've been into several Gay Groups, isn't it? I have felt being discriminated against there as well - for me age, my height, my soft looks, or my female dances. People label / judge you, isn't it? "Sagar is a _____". One does feel discriminated against, isn't it? I'm not comparing Straight Groups with Gay Groups, but this is worth appreciating. I was not just accepted, but also appreciated. Some guys said that what they like about me is how open and unabashed I am about whatever I do. That is a very big thing to hear from those very old school-time people, isn't it?

This also proves that when straight people are secure in their own lives - I'm not talking about those who secretly use Grindr - they simply do not care about whether you're Gay or anything else.

That is why I always say that instead of making 'Gay' your identity, just keep it as a part of your life. There's much more to your identity than your sexual orientation. Don't make it the heart of your life.

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.Easy Life Hacks by Sagar -How to live Gay Life in India

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.Easy Life Hacks by Sagar -
How to live Gay Life in India