.Easy Life Hacks by Sagar -
'His Boyfriend is Getting Married'
bit.ly/easylifehacks
Back to Life Hacks main page ↺
<< Romancing Married Men |
| Don't Crave / Follow-up For Love >>
Related Links
♦ Do This and Your Life Will Change Forever
♦ How to: Not Attract What You Don't Want
Transcript
Someone sent me a long message on Grindr. Let's read that out first. DISPLAYED ON THE SCREEN.
This is a very common scenario. This has happened with me as well. Let's talk about it.
Grindr is not the right place to ask questions or coach or counsel anybody, so, if you have questions, please post them via the Google Form linked in the Description of all my YouTube videos. I will respond them via YouTube itself.
First of all, is it bad or wrong to be EMOTIONAL? Not at all. Being Emotional itself means that you recognize your emotions, or are aware of them, or are becoming aware of them. There are so many people in this world who are not aware of Emotions. Forget caring about or valuing others' emotions... they're not aware of their own Emotions, due to which they're not very sensitive towards other people. So, being Emotional is a good thing. Being an emotional fool is not.
Let's ignore the entire message, and emphasize on just one line - that he (your boyfriend) is getting married to a girl. Whether that's his choice or not is another question, but if he's going to get married, then what are you doing in his life? What is your value in that person's life? What is your value in your own eyes? In your own mind? In your own life? This is not a Web Series going on. This is not even a movie by Karan Johar in which your Partner is getting married (to someone else) and you're singing a Sad Song here. There's a very popular song featuring Ranbir Kapoor (which I don't know). We need to remember that actors are paid to act. Wish I knew this at the age of 22 [sniggers]. This 'Unrequited Love' nonsense is NOT required in real life. We need to STOP glorifying it.
By that what I'm saying is - if it is his priority (or even his wish) to get married to a girl and lead a "normal" life [smiles], then he has the complete rights to do that. Why did I say "normal"? That's because there are definitely challenges in the lives of Gay People (whether in India or the U.S.). Specially if you're Single and 40 years old [sniggers]... forget the fact that you just get 300 Views on Instagram - we'll not even talk about that in this discussion... but there are challenges in the real life as well. The way people look at you. The way people treat you (sometimes) is different... It is not as easy. So, if he doesn't want to lead (such a) difficult life, then he has the full rights to do that. In fact, you should LET that person GO. This is the answer to your question, but it is also important to remember that you need to value yourself in your own life, and in this world.
This might hurt, but I don't care. This is the age (20s) to make your career). This is the age to save money. This is the age to build a house. On one of my Highlights on Instagram, I've written a long message saying that your unequivocal focus in life (before turning 30) should be to build (or buy) a house of your own - whether it is in a big city or a village, whether it is big or small, but you must have your own house before turning 30. This is NOT the age to run behind LOVE. Did I just say that? [sniggers]. "This is the age to find love, in fact", is what many people believe, isn't it? This is that green phase of your life that I had once talked about. [breathes in] Now... If you find someone and get married, then that's another PATH altogether. That's another LIFE STORY altogether. However, if there's so much confusion, fear, uncertainty, and if you're in such a dangling state, then LOVE should NOT be your top priority during this phase of your life at least.
By that I'm not asking you to STOP loving him and START building a house, instead. A LOVING person is always a loving person, and keeps getting heartbroken often [sniggers] well-experienced guy here. However, try to rise above these issues. Try to look at these (issues) with the correct perspective and grow above these negativities. That is how you will grow, isn't it? Don't consider yourself to be smaller than your problems. Consider yourself to be bigger than your problems. Consider your problems to be very very very small parts and fragments of life. Look at everything in the right perspective. That is only when you will be able to handle those issues correctly, and solve them.
Now, let's go a bit deep. Not just getting married to a girl, there are many guys who want to meet others, and not have a committed or a monogamous relationship. That which is called 'Fun & Friends' [sniggers]. In the sense, you and I are doing 'Fun & Friends', and at the same time, you do 'Fun & Friends' with 10 others, and I do the same with 10 others. Just to explore. Nothing in this world is more disgusting than that. Anyway, the "love" that you find on Grindr, Tinder, Blued is not long-lasting, because love cannot be found on those Grindr grids, Tinder Left-Right swipes, or by doing Nude VCs on Blued. Even the desperate attempts to DM one another on Instagram in order to befriend someone, or to have good connections, or to have an understanding person in life are futile, because that is NOT how Friendships or Connections are formed at all. We need to understand that even though these Apps facilitate such disgusting things, we need to take charge of our own lives, and realize that our definitions need correction.
Valuing yourself and recognizing your own WORTH is very important. Yes, sometimes is does happen that we blindly flow with our emotions, and we feel that nobody other than this person can love me (the way he does), which is an absolutely PATHETIC and the WRONGEST thing to believe in. But because we watch a lot of movies, we think that this is the only HERO of my life's movie. However, recognizing your own value is very important. In 2012, the guy that I was running behind for love had told me on the first day itself that he is bisexual, and that he's going to get married to a girl, but I still flowed. Unnecessarily. In 2015's Valentine's Week I'd met a similar guy. I was 33 years old and he was 23, and he used to say to me that we could have an affair after he gets married. I was like, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?", because I cannot be second to someone, isn't it? It's not about EGO. It's about PRIORITIES. If I cannot be someone's first priority, then I cannot keep the same level of connection with someone else! This is not the movie 'Pati Patni Aur Woh' being played. This is real life. You need to have your own value in your life. You need to find the one who would love you as much as you would love that person. So, you cannot afford to run behind someone who is not going to give you all of your love back.
As we grow in life, we begin to realize the value of some popular statements. There's a very nice statement that says, "Don't be SAD that it's OVER. Be HAPPY / Grateful that it HAPPENED." This is such a wonderful statement, and you may have tears in your eyes right now as you listen to this, but as you grown in life, you realize how beautiful that statement is. So, for where you have eventually reached in your life, you are nothing, but grateful to all of those assholes who did not love you back. So, if he wants to marry someone else, then that does not mean that you don't deserve LOVE (or to be loved) in your life or that nobody else can love you (probably) more than this person. So, you HAVE TO stay positive. You HAVE TO think correctly. If it is his priority and his right to lead his life the way he wants to, then let that person GO. Let that person be the way he wants to be. Whether to continue your Friendship with that person or not is another choice altogether. Personally, if I've loved someone and that person hasn't reciprocated his love towards me, then I cannot (continue to) befriend that person. The ones who continue to be friends after break-ups do so, because - in their connection - their Friendly Bond is stronger than their Love Bond. That is why (even after their break-up), their friendship continues to perpetuate. However, I cannot do that in my life. Love is more important to me than Friendship. So, if he wants to Go, then that is a good thing, because SPACE is being created in your ENERGY for LOVE to come into your life in another form. I always give this example. There's a CHAIR in your MIND. Reserve it for the special one only. Don't let any random person occupy it. That does not mean that your boyfriend is a nobody or not a good person or that bisexual people are not good. No, not at all. This only means that you and him were not a lifelong match, and that's perfectly fine. There's nothing wrong with that. All relationships happen in your life only to teach you something, only to help you expand in your life, and grow from where you were at one point of time. So, be nothing, but grateful to him. Bless him, and most importantly yourself first!
I've set a very important RULE for myself. The way I'm going to make the tattoo "Life is beautiful" near my palm, I'm going to make another tattoo on my hand, "No attachment without commitment." That is, until the opposite person commits to me, I am NOT going to get emotionally attached to him. See, LOVE is not something that you LOOK FOR. Or expecting love from the opposite person is actually a wrong thing. Fear, Insecurity, Uncertainty, Confusion do not exist when a relationship gets established. It is a very natural connection. The way your connection and love with your parents is natural, so is the connection with a lover or a romantic partner. But that's only when that connection has been established. If it has not been established, then just wait. Most importantly, be grateful for having experienced LOVE through someone. Many people don't even get that much. The more you hanker for Love, Likes, or Money, the more they go away from you.